sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
