im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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