I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
