she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
