There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
