so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
