Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize