I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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