I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Non-Jews are for practice
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
