I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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