Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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