Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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