I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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