Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Randomize
