if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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