"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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