It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
