Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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