i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
