Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
