so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
