I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
