Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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