I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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