I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
