I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i think i have two assholes
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
