I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Panties = found
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
