stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
