I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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