I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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