I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
