we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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