One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize