Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
