I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
