i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
