I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize