I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
