i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
