Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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