I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
