More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
