You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
The beer is more important than you right now.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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