tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize