I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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