Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
