I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
3pm strippers are depressing
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
