made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize