it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize