She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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