i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
