this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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