i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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