Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
