Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
