apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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