Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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