Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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