I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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