onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Everything about him screamed your future.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
