and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
