I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You smell like stripper and shame
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
