That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize