So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm experimenting with sincerity
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
