I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
