11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
